The Weight is Over

A lot can happen in one year. For me, 2012 presented one of the biggest and probably most important changes I have or will ever go through in my life.  Let’s start from the beginning. (I am going to apologize in advance for this being one of my more honest posts…this doesn’t happen often.)

I’m just going to come right out and say it: for as long as I can remember, I have been overweight. For someone who is overweight, saying anything related to weight, or fat, or, dare I say it, obese is awful. It’s almost like if we say any word that would show up in a thesaurus under the listing fat, we would be drawing more attention to us. It’s even worse when you are talking about weight with all your skinny friends. And here you are, the big, fat, pink elephant in the room. Whereas I was never outwardly teased growing up because of my weight, I was definitely treated differently. Outsiders may not have noticed this. My friends and family might not have noticed this. But I definitely noticed. It wasn’t that anyone was mean or ignored me; it almost felt like no one took me seriously…because of my weight. It may not make sense, but that’s how I always felt.

I’m not sure why I never tried to lose weight in the past. For some reason, I guess I always thought that it would happen on its own. Like I would wake up one day and magically be skinny. After 25 years without magic, I apparently wasn’t getting the message that if I wanted to lose weight, I needed to be the one to make it happen. I have always been a person that takes a long time to start something; but once I start, I’m good. So, after a 25-year delay, I started.

Tomorrow, I will have been in Weight Watchers for one year. The very first day after starting the program, my department ordered Chinese food. After figuring out the points for just that one meal, I never thought I would be able to get through the program, not without leaving all of my favorite foods behind. I was known for getting frozen pizza at least two or three times a week and then stopping at McDonalds or another fast-food restaurant on the other days. But now I was expected to drop all of that for fruits and veggies and healthier options? How do people live like that?

Looking back on it, I’m embarrassed by the way I ate. I have come to realize that one of the reasons I hated grocery shopping is that I thought people would judge me based on the contents of my cart. I think I knew it then, but was too afraid to admit it. For some ridiculous reason, I thought that people were overly concerned with what I was eating, when in reality, I should have been the concerned one. I should have been the one judging my cart and telling myself to make better choices, but I didn’t.

At the risk of sounding cheesy, I now know that this sort-of reflection of past me is part of the learning process. I have learned that I can still eat the foods I want as long as I account for them. I have given up soda completely (except for the occasional diet soda mixed drink) and I no longer miss the foods that I used to love.  I don’t drink as much as I used to (not that I was an alcoholic or anything). I can go days, weeks, and even months without a candy bar…and I have and will continue to do so. I can skip that cookie in favor of a banana. I may make jokes about my taste buds living vicariously though other people, but in truth, I’ve gotten used to my current eating habits and I no longer feel the need to go back to the way I used to eat.

Oh, and exercise. I can’t believe I haven’t said anything about exercise. For people who didn’t know me pre-Weight Watchers, I was lazy. I was completely okay waking up late during the weekend, showering, and then sitting on the couch watching movies/TV and eating all day. I would spend a good five minutes trying to figure out how to carry multiple things so that I didn’t have to make more than one trip. I randomly went to the gym every now and then, but not really enough to make it count. Now, I get restless if I sit for long periods of time. Instead of trying to figure out how to carry everything in one trip, I now try to figure out how I can work in some activity. If I have a night off with absolutely nothing to do, I spend it walking around the mall for a few hours instead of watching TV (you wouldn’t think this is true but the weeks where I needed to go shopping a few nights a week for a party or whatever were the weeks I did the best when I weighed in…strange). 

So, after one full year of Weight Watchers, I am down 78 pounds, just 22 pounds short of my original goal of losing 100 pounds and hitting the healthy weight range for my age/height. I started at a size 22 (gah, I can’t believe I’m sharing that) and I am now at a size 14 or 16 depending on what store I am in. There were a bunch of little goals I kept to (mostly) myself because they were somewhat personal to me and I wanted to celebrate them in my own way. I wanted to weigh less than 200 pounds. I honestly cannot remember a time when I have weighed less than 200. When I hit that goal, I almost cried (for anyone who knows me, I never cry so this was a big deal). I wanted to weigh less than what it says on my driver’s license. I am seriously excited to go to the DMV in May 2013 so that I can tell the person working to change my weight to a lower number. I wanted to try on and fit into Express clothing. I love that store but never really had the chance to wear any of the clothing. I ended up buying the first shirt I fit into based on principle alone.

In honor of my one-year anniversary, I decided to put on the one pair of jeans I kept from last year. This is what they look like now (please also note that I bought that shirt a few years ago and was sent the wrong size...too small..and I can now finally fit into it): 

Here are before/after shots to show the difference: